


The Space in My Bed

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [28]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Consequences, Explicit Sexual Content, George Kirk Lives, M/M, Revenge, Romance, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-01-05 18:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18372059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: A few months ago, reader TaiBluerose had asked me to write an Academy Fic where:George Kirk defeated Nero and did not die, therefore, Vulcan was not later destroyed.When Jim reprograms the Kobayashi Maru, he is punished, and vows revenge on Spock.To avoid spoilers, that is all the summary you get.





	1. First Footing

Spock was entirely too bored. He did not wish to be here. He was sorry he had even agreed to it. His first instinct had been to say no.

“Oh, now see, I have to kiss you at midnight.”

Spock turned, taken aback, by the words spoken to his back at this very uncomfortable gathering to celebrate the ‘New Year’.

Standing there before him was a cadet, judging by the red uniform he wore, with sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and a smirk that ought to be wiped off his face.

It was almost…unseemly. And definitely illogical.

“I beg your pardon?”

“The First Footing.”

He arched his eyebrow at this cryptic sentence. Since the cadet carried with him an obvious glass of alcohol Spock suspected he was very intoxicated.

Spock was about to turn around and dismiss the cadet when he spoke again.

“Not familiar with the old Earth tradition?”

“Tradition?”

“Well.” The cadet shrugged. “Legend, really. Specifically from Scotland. It was considered a harbinger of good tidings if the first stranger that crossed your threshold of the New Year was a dark haired man.”

“That is…dubious at best. Not to mention kissing me would not be crossing your threshold.”

The smirk widened. “I beg to differ.”

Spock’s communicator chirped and he looked away from the cadet to his communication device. As he had anticipated, it was Nyota, indicating she had secured them spots at a table so that they could consume food.

“If you will excuse me, I am with someone, and she has found us a table.”

The cadet’s gaze held his for a moment later before sliding away to another part of the room and the crowd beyond. And then back to Spock.

“James Kirk.”

It took Spock two seconds to realize he was being offered the cadet’s name.

“Spock,” he said in return. “I believe you are set to take the Kobayashi Maru after the New Year.”

“Yes, that’s right. Third time’s the charm.”

And he would fail again, Spock knew. Beating the test was not the point anyway.

“You are persistent, Cadet.  I will allow that. If you will excuse me?”

That playful smirk returned. “I guess we will see. See you later, Spock.”

“There you are,” Nyota said a few minutes later, linking her arm with his, and drawing him toward a table filled with people he did not know and did not wish to particularly. “What kept you?”

“Nothing important,” he advised, and joined her at the seats.

It was much later in the evening, toward the time for midnight, when Spock saw the cadet again. He had been looking forward to leaving, sooner rather than later, but he had lost track of Nyota again. And he was growing tired of looking for her.

He was about to send her a message indicating that he would be departing, and he would see her later in the week. She had plans for the next day to attend a parade Spock had absolutely no interest in attending.

“There you are.” The cadet echoed Nyota’ words of a few hours ago.

Spock turned to face Cadet James Kirk once more. “I am uncertain why you were looking for me.”

“First Footing, remember?”

“Cadet—”

Kirk was suddenly in Spock’s personal space, so close Spock could smell hints of cloves and cinnamon and perhaps sugar.

“You smell like a cookie,” he heard himself say. Which was quite ridiculous. No one smelled like a cookie and why would he state such nonsense?

Kirk’s hand rested on his arm and though material separated their skin from each other, Spock felt intense heat in Kirk’s fingers. “Won’t you indulge me?”

Spock blinked. “Indulge…”

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2…1. Happy New Year.”

Kirk’s lips pressed against his, warm, soft, and yielding. It was brief, almost just a mere tease, fleeting and nearly gone.

If Spock had let it end…let him, Kirk, pull away and disappear into the night, go as though nothing had happened...

But just as Kirk’s lips withdrew and he began to move away, Spock pulled him back into his arms, mouths pressed together once more. Kirk let out a little moan, a whimper that set Spock’s blood aflame with such suddenness it was as though Kirk were a magician. Spock’s hands slid down Kirk’s back to find the firm round mounds of his buttocks. Their groins were pressed together, arousal against arousal.

As cheers and good will continued around them, confetti falling upon their heads, horns blowing to a deafening annoyance, Spock took his lips away from Kirk’s long enough to say, “We need to leave.”

He watched Kirk swallow heavily. “Yes. But you…weren’t you here with someone?”

“A friend. I will message her later.”

His hand closed around Kirk’s wrist and he yanked him toward the exit.

Perhaps he was a bit rough in his handling as they made their way down the street, a half block to Spock’s residence, but Kirk did not protest.

“I want to eat you up,” Kirk said, illogically.

Spock did not care, for though his words made no sense, the lust in Kirk’s gaze was certainly quite clear.

He dragged the cadet to his bedroom and quickly divested him of his clothing. Kirk lay on his stomach, displaying the finest derriere Spock had ever seen.   

“Come on,” Kirk pleaded. “What are you waiting for?”

Spock definitely did not know. He undressed quickly and joined Kirk on the bed. He lay across the cadet’s perfect back, fastening his lips to the nape of his neck.

“Oh, God, please.” Kirk stiffened underneath him. “You-you do have lube, right?”

“Vulcans are equipped with natural lubrication.”

“Fuck. Okay. I knew I liked Vulcans.”

“And I like quiet humans.”

Kirk laughed. “Okay, okay.”

Spock turned him until he lay on his back, hovering over him to place his lips on the human’s. They were warm and chapped and entirely too addicting. Spock had never expected himself to be into human kissing, but with Kirk, he realized he had to have it.

Kirk moaned, loud and needy. It was so hedonistic, Spock should be appalled, but instead it thrilled him, spurred him on.

He found himself sucking on the cadet’s skin, marking him with what humans called hickeys.

“I need, please.”

Spock could not deny a begging Kirk was entirely too appealing. He spread Kirk’s legs, and had them wrap around Spock’s waist, as he poised his phallus at the puckered hole. Slipping in felt so incredible, Spock was certain he wished to spend hours there.

In fact, much later, in Spock’s bed, as Spock sucked the cadet into his second orgasm of the night, he was pretty sure Kirk said, “Happy New Year to me!”

****

Jim walked out of the meeting feeling angrier than he thought, maybe, he’d ever felt. He wanted to hit something. _Someone_. Hard.

“Jim! Jim! Wait!”

But he ignored his friends shouts and kept on walking, all the way off campus.

Fuck it. Maybe he’d never come back.

“ _Jim_.” Leonard “Bones” McCoy grabbed him and stopped his movement forward. “Slow down. What _happened_?”

Right behind Bones was Gary Mitchell, who annoyed Jim even more by having a big smirk on his face. Maybe Jim would punch him.

“What do you think happened?”

“You were expelled?” Mitchell asked, sounding gleeful.

Bones glanced at him. “Shut up.” He looked back at Jim. “You weren’t, were you?”

Jim’s jaw muscle tightened. “ _No_. Suspended. For a _month_. Do you know how far behind I’m going to be?”

“Jim, calm down. That’s not so bad. I mean you did cheat on the Kobayashi Maru.”

“It’s a useless test. Who makes a test guaranteed for students to fail?”

Mitchell’s smirk widened. “Commander Spock.”

“I hate his fucking guts,” Jim said. “He’s the one that recommended my suspension. Oh, and there’s more. A blight on my record. And I can never take the test again.”

Bones frowned. “What? A blight? Permanent?”

Jim shrugged. “Who knows? I don’t know if I’m ever even coming back here. I was stupid to come here anyway.”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Mitchell asked this time. “You think because you fucked him, he was going to let you get away with it?”

“That had nothing to do with this.” Jim scowled.

“No? Because it sure seemed that way to me. You thought bedding the guy who programmed the test would make him somehow forget you cheated on it.”

“I just found a new solution.”

“Look, Kirk, I liked the fact you reprogrammed the test. It was clever as hell. You should get an accommodation for original thinking. But you should have known that robot would be pissed. You’re being made an example.”

Bones glared at Mitchell and pushed him away. “Get out of here, Gary. You’re making things worse.”

“Fine, fine. Whatever.”

Jim watched Mitchell leave and then turned to Bones. “It’s okay. He didn’t make anything worse.”

“You want some coffee or something? Talk about this?”

“I have to pack my shit.”

“Pack? Jim, are you really not coming back?”

“I don’t know. But that’s another condition of my suspension. I can’t stay on campus.”

“That damn hobgoblin again?”

“I don’t know. I stopped listening to all their garbage. There was a whole committee.”

“And Spock was there?”

“No. But Pike told me he was the one who recommended the suspension.”

“Well.” Bones put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Isn’t that better than expulsion?”

“I honestly don’t know, Bones. Can I even recover from this? Barrett was the one behind the mark on my record. He’s never liked me. Or my dad.”

“Have you told your parents?”

“No. Not yet. But I’m going to have to as I’m probably going there for the month I’m suspended.” Jim groaned. “Dad’s going to be pissed.”

“Probably. You want that coffee?”

“How about a drink? Or two? Or three?”

“Jim. Is that wise?”

He sighed. “No.” He looked back at the Academy campus. “I’m going to find a way, though, Bones.”

“A way?”

“To get even.”

“Jim—”

“Are you going to help me pack or what?”

Bones sighed. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Come on, Jim. Might as well get it over with.”


	2. And Every Step is Neatly Planned

Jim stared up at the dark farmhouse from where he stood by himself, next to the dirt road they had never bothered to modernize. He’d had the driver leave him off there. He had yet to tell George and Winona Kirk of his suspension.

Being the son of the one of the greatest heroes in Earth history was a huge burden really. Somehow George Kirk, of the USS Kelvin, had managed to defeat the crazed Romulan, Nero, who had come from another timeline raving about Romulus having been destroyed by some Vulcan that Commander Spock had shared the same name with. He’d even rescued his captain, Richard Robau, from Nero’s clutches prior to the destruction of Nero’s ship. Other Federation ships had been destroyed that day by the mad Romulan, but not the Kelvin, and thus, fortunately, Jim was born two months early.

And he’d felt a little bit behind ever since.

At least he had until he’d beaten the Kobayashi Maru.

That feeling of relieved victory and a sense of purpose was gone now.

With a sigh, Jim hefted his case up onto his arm and made the journey down the dirt path to the farmhouse.

Not a light was on in the house, of course. Jim was hoping to slip in unnoticed until morning when he would announce his presence hopefully over one of his mom’s big breakfasts of bacon, eggs, potatoes, and biscuits. With plenty of the best coffee on Earth besides.

Jim went to the flower pot in front of the house where his mom usually kept a key to the front door. They never had changed the door to a more modern access. He’d bugged them a million times about it and all his dad had done was laugh and say he liked it the way it was.

He dug and dug his fingers through the dirt and came up with…dirt.

“Fuck me,” he swore. And of course, Jim had a key once but he sure as hell had no clue what had happened to it.

Which meant, he was going to have to break in.

So much for slipping in and announcing his arrival over a hearty breakfast!

He stood back and eyed the windows on the first floor of the house. The left one of the living room had a screen that was a little wonky. He walked over to it, wincing when he stepped in mud, and pried the screen off. They’d never locked their windows. Who the hell would come all the way out here anyway? So, he pushed the window up, with a little effort as it was stuck a bit, and tried to decide whether he could fit through the opening.

Jim mutter to himself about too many burritos, but then rolled his eyes and started crawling through. He made it, surprisingly easy, until his feet got caught at the end, and he did a header, landing face down on the floor, his feet still dangling in the window.

And it was then that he saw the light of a phaser.

“Dad! Don’t shoot! It’s me.”

“Jim! For God’s sake. Now I _should_ shoot you. What the hell?”

He was pulled off the floor, his feet being pulled free from the window. And now he was gazing up into a bleary-eyed giant. Well, okay, it was his dad.

“Lights,” George called out, and the house was suddenly illuminated in bright light that made Jim squint. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get into the house. What happened to the key in the flower pot?”

“What happened to your key?” George returned.  

“Uh.”

“Yeah. Jim, what in the hell are you doing here?”” George narrowed his eyes. “Why aren’t you at school?”

“Could you maybe put your phaser away?”

His dad rolled his eyes, but he reached over and put it on the dining room table.

George Kirk, hero extraordinaire, had, to Starfleet’s dismay, retired two years earlier. Admiral Kirk had been a great recruitment tool. His picture had been plastered everywhere, still was, actually, saying shit like ‘You Too Could Be George Kirk’. How the hell was Jim supposed to live up to such a giant? And in more ways than one, obviously.

They hadn’t wanted George to retire. In fact had begged him not to. But the thing about Jim’s dad was that you could never make him do anything he didn’t want to do. And the famous Admiral Kirk was done. He wanted to be a gentleman farmer.

Right now as he stood glaring down at Jim, blond hair in disarray from sleep, he looked every bit like the badass Starfleet officer he had been, and Jim feared _he_ never would be.      

“George? What is it? George?”

His mom’s voice. Great.

“Down here, Winnie. Jim’s here.”

Great, so he had to face another committee.

His mom came bustling down the stairs, bathrobe pulled on over her nightgown, and a pair of her crazy animal slippers, these one’s Zebras.

“Jim!” Unlike his dad, his mom flung her arms around him and gave him one of her tight hugs. “Honey, what are you doing here?”

“He refuses to answer.”

“I don’t refuse,” Jim said. He eyed the kitchen. “Do you think, maybe, we could have breakfast or something?”

“It’s three in the morning,” his dad pointed out.

“Of course.” His mom kissed him. “Sit down at the table and tell us what’s going on while I make breakfast.”

Jim walked over and sat down and with a grumble his dad did the same. She was already taking out pots and pans.

“Well?”

Jim sighed. “Um. Well. See. I took the Kobayashi Maru.”

“Right. And failed.”

“Yeah. Well, no. I mean the first two times, I did.”

George frowned. “You took it again?”

“Yeah, right after the first of the year.” Jim bit his lip. He smiled gratefully when his mom set a cup of coffee in front of him. The aroma was heaven. She ruffled his hair and went back to cooking.

“And?” his dad prodded, after accepting his own cup.

“See, Dad, you faced the actual Kobayashi Maru, right? I mean you faced it and beat it. Who else does that?”

George shrugged. “There are others.”

“Not many. And I just…I hate to lose. I didn’t enlist to-to be beat. I wanted to prove that I could be the best damn commander of a starship the ‘Fleet had ever seen.”

His dad raised his brows. “Oh?”

“Better than you, even.” Jim sighed. “As if that’s possible.”

George leaned back in his chair and took a swallow of coffee. “So, you beat it this time?”

“I did, yeah.” Jim rubbed his chest. “Only. It’s how I beat it.”

“Enough with the stalling, son. What happened?”

“I reprogrammed the test.”

A pot clanged in the kitchen and Jim winced. His mom had stopped what she was doing and was staring at him.

“How?” George demanded.

Jim squirmed. He didn’t really want to do this, but his dad could be pretty persuasive when he glared like he was doing just then.

“I had a little help with the-the programming.”

His dad stared at him. “ _George Samuel_?”

He squirmed some more. “Well. Just-just a little.”

“So both of my sons are delinquents.”

“Dad—”

“They expelled you.”

“Oh. My. God.” His mom put down everything in the kitchen and came to sit at the table. “Did they? Jim? Did they?”

“No Kirk has _ever_ been expelled from _anything_!”

“And-and that’s still the case, sir. I wasn’t expelled. Honest.”

“What then?”

“I guess some of them wanted to. Admiral Barrett—”

“That son of a bitch! He’s never liked me.”

“George,” his mom said faintly. “Continue, Jim.”

“I was suspended. For a month. And kicked-kicked off campus for that month too.”

“Which is why you’ve shown up here in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah.”

George drummed his long fingers on the dining room table. “What else?”

“Barrett recommended a blight on my record.”

His dad’s nostrils flared. “Oh did he?”

Jim nodded, feeling a little sick, now that it was all out in the open. God, he wanted to just see that damn Vulcan squirm the way he was squirming right now. To think he had slept with him. Jim was an idiot.

“Well, I’ll tell you something, young man. If you think this is going to be a vacation while you’re here for that month, you can put that thought right out of your mind. You’ll be put to work. Same as always. It’s going to be a vacation, all right, but for me. I have a big strong son who can do things around here for me.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You get one day. One. To sort yourself out. And then tomorrow you’re up early and going to work. Got that?”

Jim nodded.

“What?”

“Yes, sir.”

His mom sighed and stood. “I’ll finish breakfast.”

****

“They suspended you?” Sam looked at him incredulously from the computer terminal screen in Jim’s room.

“For a month.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Believe it. They’re making an example out of me, I guess. So that no one else ever does this kind of thing.”

Sam leaned back. He was at his desk in his lab on the planet, Deneva, where he now lived. “But you never do _anything_ wrong. You’re so clean you squeak.”

“Not anymore. I’ve even got a mark against me.”

“But the way you beat the test was genius. A combination of my science and your strategizing—”

“Yeah, well, the Vulcan who programmed the test was pretty pissed.”

“Dad’s gonna bust your hump, huh?”

“You said it. I think he was rubbing his hands together at the prospect.”

Sam snorted. “What are you going to do when you go back?”

“Make him pay.”

“Who?”

“That damn Vulcan. Commander Spock.”

“What are you going to do?”

Jim mulled that over. “Well. I don’t know that part yet. I’ll figure something out.”

“Wait.” Sam straightened up and leaned forward. “Wait a second. Didn’t you say you had a one-night stand with some Vulcan on New Year’s Eve?”

“Yep.”

“That wasn’t…Jim. Was that the same one?”

“It was, Spock, yeah.”

Sam groaned. “Tell me you didn’t sleep with him on purpose so that when you _did_ take the test, you thought he’d—”

“No,” Jim said, hotly. “Why does everyone think that?”

“Because it looks that way. Probably to him, too.”

“Well, I didn’t. I just…I liked him. He was hot. Well, I _did_ anyway. Now I just hate him.”

“I gotta say, this whole thing? Better you than me.”

“Thanks for your support, Sam.”

“Any time.” Sam smiled. “You contact me later in the month. Tell me how things are going with the old man.”

“Okay. See you, Sam.”

Jim pulled out his PADD and looked at the picture he had saved of Commander Spock. Originally, he had added a heart next to it like a big stupid moron. He took out the heart and changed it to an angry face.

He then tossed the PADD away and sulked down into his bed. This was going to be one _long_ month.     


	3. A Focal Point

“Don’t you think you’re working him too hard, George?”

Jim paused at the top of the stairs as his parents’ voices drifted from the living room. He had just gotten out of the shower after a long day of back breaking work on the farm, under the supervision of _Admiral_ Kirk, certainly not his dad.

“The boy has _got_ to learn discipline, Winnie. He’s too soft. That’s why he thought he could go the easy way and cheat his way through the Academy.”

“You call that easy?” Jim grumbled to himself.

“It was just the one test, George. Don’t exaggerate.”

“That’s a big test. He’s damn lucky they didn’t expel him. Probably didn’t because of who he’s related to and we both know it. He’s even luckier I got them to remove that mark from his record, too.”

“Well, that was Barrett, like you said.” She sighed. “They’re being too hard on him.”

George snorted. “Yeah, right. Starfleet doesn’t need officers who can’t handle a little strife. He’ll be fine, Win. And hopefully he’ll have learned a lesson.”

“As if Tar…Jim. Are you there, honey?”

Busted.

“Yeah, Mom. Coming down now.” Jim made it the rest of the way down stairs and smiled at his parents who were sitting on the sofa sipping glasses of red wine. “That looks good. Can I have some?”

“You old enough?”

“Yes, Dad.”

His mom rose. “I’ll get you’re a glass. Dinner’s almost ready. Spaghetti, one of your favorites.”

“She spoils you. Come here, son, next to me. I want to talk to you.”

“Yes, sir.” He took the glass of wine from his mom and went over to sit next to his dad.

“First of all, you’re not supposed to listen in on conversations between your mom and dad.”

“I didn’t—”

“Don’t lie. You’ll make it worse.” George studied him over the wineglass. “You heard I got them to remove the blight on your record.”

“Yes, thank you, Dad.”

“I called in some favors. Nepotism at work. But don’t expect that to carry you through your years at the Academy or under service in Starfleet. You have to earn your own place.”

“I know.”

“You might think I’m too hard on you, like your Mom does, but—”

“No. I don’t. Not at all.”

George looked surprised. “No?”

“No, sir. I can take whatever you want to dish out. I’m not afraid of hard work or discipline and I’m not taking the easy way out.” With a glance in his mother’s direction, Jim said, “And I can handle being hungry too.”

“Jim.”

George sighed. “No one is expecting you to go hungry, son.”

“Well, no, of course it’s not expected.”

“I know you blame me for-for your being there, Jim, but—”

“I don’t. I know you had a job to do. You couldn’t have known what would happen there, Dad. I _don’t_ blame you. But if that helped toughen me up for what’s to come, well, then it wasn’t wasted.” Jim took a sip of wine. Then he smiled down at it. “Good vintage. Did you make this one?”

“I did, yeah. Jim—”

“I won’t disappoint you, Dad. You don’t have to worry about me. What happened with the Kobayashi isn’t going to be repeated. The rest of my time there will be spotless and without blemish. I guarantee.”

“Well. Let’s go have dinner. There’s garlic bread, too.”

“Great.”

****

“You didn’t have to take me to the shuttle. I could have gotten there on my own.”

“Well. We wanted to, okay?” His mom reached over and straightened his collar. “You have friends there?”

“Yeah, I have friends.”

“Are you sure? Because I know you’re kind of shy and—”

“Mom.” He grabbed her hands and held them. “I’m not shy. I haven’t been since I was like six. I’m okay. I have friends.”

She bit her lip. “Someone special?”

Jim smiled and shook his head. “If you want little ones, you’ll have to look to Sam for that.”

“I wasn’t expecting that!”

He laughed. Kissed her. “Still. I’m a big boy. I don’t need my mommy worrying after me.”

She nodded, looking sad. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Come on, Win. You’ll give the boy a guilt complex.” George pushed between them. “You contact us when you’re settled back in.”

“Yeah, I will. I’m getting a place off campus this time. With my friend.”

“That one you call Bones? The doctor?”

“Yeah. An apartment. Not that I’m expecting to get suspended again or anything, but, well, you know.” He grinned.

“You’d better not. I’ll box your ears.” Then of course he did just that. “Come here. You’re not too old to hug your dad.”

Jim thought, in fact, that maybe he was, but he let his dad maul him anyway and then his mom, on top of that.

“I need to go back to get some sleep,” he told his dad. “You beat me up.”

“At least you’ve got some muscles. Stay out of trouble!” George called after him.

Jim waved and got on the shuttle. He pulled out his PADD and messaged Bones.

_Heading out._

_Yeah? Good. Place is ready. I’ll come get you._

_I’m ready. For everything._

_Uh-oh. You still planning your revenge?_

_Oh yes._

_Jim._

_Bones. It will be fine. It’s not like it’ll really hurt him. He’ll just get some mark on his career._

_And you’ll get off scots-free_

_It’s against regulations for him to sleep with a student. Not for me as  a student to sleep with him. Trust me, I know what I’m doing._

_See you when you’re here. McCoy out._

That is if he could even convince Spock to see him again. But he was pretty sure he could manipulate Spock. The lust in those dark eyes on New Year’s Eve wasn’t faked. Nor anything else they did that night.

Yeah, Jim was ready all right. For anything. 


	4. How to Seduce a Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Jim is kind of a jerk at this point. Trust me! You won't hate him in the end!

“Hi there.”

Spock looked up startled from his PADD when a cadet plopped down on the bench beside him. He’d been so engrossed in preparing his lesson he had not even heard the approach until the heat of their body pressed against him.

He blinked. “Cadet…Kirk.”

A blindingly white and almost overly friendly smile greeted his words. “Hey. So, you do remember me.”

At this, Spock arched a brow. “It would be rather difficult to forget you.”

“I take that as a very good complement.”

“It is a statement, not an attempt to flatter you. Not only did we engage in sexual activity, which is impossible not to recollect, you also took the Kobayashi Maru and—”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” Kirk—Jim—laughed. “I got it. The point is you do remember. Even though I have been gone for a month.”

“Surely that would not be such an extraordinary amount of time that anyone would forget—”

“You’re funny, you know?” He flashed that almost too bright smile again. “Forget all that. What I really want to know is, did you miss me?”

Spock opened his mouth to reply and then abruptly closed it when he realized his answer was far more ambiguous than it should be. Instead he said, “I hope that your time away was not too unpleasant.”

Jim leaned back against the bench, stretching his legs out in front of him and flexing his feet in the athletic shoes he wore. He did not wear a cadet’s uniform, even though he was presumably back at the Academy, but rather jeans, a dark blue T-shirt that seemed to make the blue of his eyes stand out even more, and a well-worn leather jacket. 

“Nah, it was all right. Spent the time at the old homestead.”

“Homestead?”

“The family dwelling.” Jim switched his gaze from his feet, where he had been looking, to Spock’s face. “Riverside. Iowa.”

Spock nodded. “I see.”

“What have you been up to?”

“Academics.”

“Tinkering with that test, no doubt.”

“For the moment, it has been put on hold,” Spock replied. “Until the programming can be made invulnerable to hacking.”

The laugh again. “I think I’ve just been reproached.” Jim flicked his hand in a gesture of sweeping that away. “Water under the bridge, right?”

Spock had heard the expression, vaguely, but he decided the best response was to nod.

“Anyway, I broke the rules, I had to pay.”

“Indeed.”

“So, with all that past us, _Professor_ , what do you say we start again?”

“Start again?”

Jim smiled again. Spock noted that he smiled a lot. “Have a clean slate between us. No bad feelings between us.”

Spock had no bad feelings with regard to Jim. As Jim had noted, he had broken the rules when he had cheated on the Kobayashi Maru, therefore, logically, he’d had to face consequences.

“Want to come to dinner?” Jim asked.

“Dinner?”

“Yeah. I’m living off campus now. Have an apartment with my friend, Leonard McCoy. He’s gone a lot. In fact, he won’t be home at all tonight, so I thought, you and I can get reacquainted.”

“I am not certain that is a good idea.”

“No? But why? I thought things went extremely well between us.” Jim moistened his lips then and Spock found his gaze drawn there. “We said no bad feelings, right? And I’ve served my sentence.”

“It was not a criminal—”

“Yeah, I know. Just a figure of speech. I just think we can be…really good friends.”

He put an odd little emphasis on those words and Spock was fairly certain he meant them as a sexual innuendo.

“You are a cadet.”

Jim shrugged. “I was a cadet before. And anyway, I’m not _your_ student, right?”

“Yes, but—”

“I know, you’re all about rules. But this…I’m not your student, one. And you’re not actually a full time professor. You’re a commander on the Enterprise under Captain Pike, isn’t that true?”

“Affirmative.”

“This is just a temporary assignment until you go out into space. You’re acting as a substitute anyway. So, considering all of that, it’s nothing.” That too bright smile returned. “It’s just dinner, Spock.”

“I am a vegetarian.”

He was surprised when Jim rolled his eyes.

“I’m not an idiot, Spock.”

“I did not intent to imply your intelligence—”

“I know you’re a vegetarian. The meal I’m going to make has no meat or anything.” He tilted his head. “When was the last time someone cooked you a Vulcan meal?”

Spock stared at him. “Vulcan?”

“Uh-huh. I looked up a recipe. Tried it out even, just to be sure. I don’t want to serve you something subpar. So? When was the last time?”

“I-I have not had a home-cooked Vulcan meal since I left home,” Spock admitted. “There are restaurants that serve them, but—”

“Not the same, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Well.” Jim shrugged then. “I purchased all the ingredients for it. Got some special spice tea, too. It would be such a shame for it to go to waste.”

“That is true.”

“Come on, Spock,” Jim said, leaning toward him. “You know I don’t bite. Not unless you want me to, anyway.”

Spock felt himself flush. “It does sound like a pleasing way to spend the evening.”

Jim patted Spock’s leg. “Live a little. Dinner, tea, maybe something more. Where’s the harm?”

“Well.”

“We already know we like each other _that way_. What did you say, Spock?” Jim lowered his voice. “Our desires are compatible?”

Spock flushed again. “Yes.” He cleared his throat. “In fact…they are aligned in such a way that I believe we could share…” He stopped himself from further comment at Jim’s smirk.

“Yes,” Jim said, softly. “Share. That’s what I’m looking for. So? Join me?”

Spock nodded. “Yes.”


	5. I Like You

Now that Spock was actually coming over to Jim’s apartment, Jim felt incredibly nervous. Which was stupid. This wasn’t like a real date or anything.

Right?

And yet when the doorbell chimed, he jumped, and his heartbeat thumped wildly.

Well, Jim told himself. That was normal. He’d been attracted to Spock. The sex had been great. And before the Kobayashi Maru, he’d even liked Spock.

The bell rang again, and Jim sprang into action and over to the door.

Then Jim did the craziest thing. He opened the door to Spock, sure, but he pulled Spock into the apartment, put his arms around his neck, and started kissing the Vulcan.

At first it was a bit like kissing a block of ice, Spock stayed cold and stiff, and Jim began to feel like an incredible fool. He was about to lower his arms, pull back, and step away, when Spock made a little sound, like a cross between a gasp and a moan and he was yanking Jim closer, deepening the kiss, thrusting his tongue forward past the seam of Jim’s lips.

It took all of Jim’s will power not to crawl all over Spock just then, because Spock really knew how to kiss, and Jim really thought Spock was hot. Which was why he had approached him in the first place on New Year’s Eve. It had absolutely nothing to do with the test, despite what others, including Gary thought.

It wasn’t until after the test that Jim felt…well betrayed. It wasn’t that he thought Spock would approve of his actions, he just hadn’t thought Spock would so thoroughly throw him under the bus. Given their personal interactions, Spock could have at least excused himself from deliberations. _Anything_ but recommend a month suspension and a mark on his record. If it wasn’t for everyone’s admiration for his father, that mark would still be there.

But despite all that, man did Spock turn him on. It was stupid, really.

Finally, he forced himself to pull back, at least his mouth away from Spock’s to stare into dark eyes that were blow wide with unmistakable shared desire.

Someone was breathing hard and it didn’t take Jim long to realize it was him.

“Uh. Hey.”

Spock gave a tiny shake of his head. “Hello, Jim.”

“That was…”

“Quite a welcome.”

He laughed. “Yeah. But in my defense, I just couldn’t resist.” Jim stepped out of Spock’s arms and surveyed his black jeans and black cable-knit sweater. “You are just the hottest thing on two legs.”

At that Spock arched his brows quizzically. “You are attracted to those with four?” He paused. “Or more?”

“You never know about me.” Jim winked. He still held onto Spock’s arms, reluctant to let go. “I’d take you right to my bedroom this very minute, but I worked really hard on those Vulcan dishes and I’d hate for them to go to waste.”

“I admit to a sense of eagerness about them as well.”

Jim smiled, pleased by the admission. He finally released Spock’s arms and turned toward the kitchen. “Come on, then. I also have some Vulcan spiced tea.”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “I recall you stated so earlier. I am impressed. Though I am certain it is likely a very good replica of what is available on Vulcan. It is quite rare to be able to acquire it here on Earth, even in a culturally diverse city like San Francisco.”

Jim poured a steaming hot cup of the tea and placed it in front of Spock, on the counter. “See for yourself.”

Spock picked it up and sipped at it slowly. Jim couldn’t help but grin at the surprised pleasure on the Vulcan’s face he simply could not hide.

“This…this is not a replica.”

“Nope. Straight from the planet, Vulcan.”

“How did you manage such a feat?”

Jim winked again. “I have my ways. Just say, wow, Jim, thank you.”

“Wow, Jim, thank you,” Spock repeated dutifully.

“Better. Sit there at the dining room and dinner will be served.”

“It smells quite good.”

“I haven’t actually tasted it, so I have no idea.”

Spock went to the dining room table. “It’s been my experience most humans find Vulcan fare rather bland compared to the flavor of dishes they are used to.”

“We’ll see. I have made Adronn Feltara, C’Torr, Kreyla, and for dessert, Saffir.”

Spock blinked at him. “Your pronunciations are impeccable as well.”

“I admit, I’m trying to impress you.”

Spock nodded. “I suspected as much and I have to admit, you are succeeding.”

“Well, you haven’t tasted the dishes yet,” Jim joked. He turned away, biting his lip nervously, as he dished the food onto plates, wondering when actually impressing Spock had become part of the deal, really. He’d gone to a crazy amount of trouble for all this just to, what? Get Spock in trouble. Already his plans seemed not very well thought out and he was starting to not get this whole thing at all.

With a deep breath, he turned back around, and came to the table with the plates of Adronn Feltara, C’Torr and Kreyla. He sat next to Spock.

“Here we go.” Jim tentatively took a bite himself, but his gaze remained on Spock, watching anxiously as the Vulcan took a trepidatious bite himself. To Jim, the food didn’t taste bad or anything, it was actually kind of tasty, but whether or not he’d gotten the right flavor, he just didn’t know. “Well?”

Spock tasted all that Jim had placed on his plate before responding. Then his gaze rose to Jim’s face, dark eyes almost sparkling and Jim felt something loosen and then tighten in his chest.

“They are…perfect.”

Warmth spread from his face, down his neck and into his torso. Hell, he could feel it to his toes. “Yeah? Really? You aren’t just saying that?”

“I do not give out false information or compliments, Jim. Your Vulcan cooking skills are excellent.” Spock paused. “But what do you think of it?”

“Oh. It’s good. Not bad at all. You’re right that none of it’s exactly strong in flavor, but what flavor there is, is good. Very edible.”

“This is a lot of effort, Jim. The tea, the food. I must ask, though please understand I am merely curious, why you would go through all of this for me?”

For a moment, Jim was just going to give some stupid answer, a joke or something, maybe a comment on impressing Spock, again, or maybe that he went out of his way to do stuff like this for all his dates, implying Spock wasn’t particularly special.

But when Jim lifted his gaze to Spock’s, he took a moment to really look and he sensed an odd note of vulnerability in the question, as though he really couldn’t imagine why Jim would go to such trouble for him. And all the flippant, inane words he might usually say died on Jim’s lips.

Instead he found himself reaching over and placing his hand on Spock’s, feeling the vaguest tingly warmth there, like a muted electric shock.

“Because, Spock,” Jim said, simply. “I like you.”


	6. Sidestep

Spock found himself somewhat confused by the mixed signals he was getting from Jim. On the one hand, Jim had advised him at dinner that he’d gone through all that trouble of re-creating Vulcan dishes because he liked Spock, and it was true, also, that Jim had invited Spock over, with the intention, Spock thought, of engaging in matters of sexual pleasure once dinner was consumed.

Not to mention, though Spock did in fact mention it in his own head, that they had previously engaged in sexual intercourse, on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, though it had been some weeks since then.

So there had been a sexual history between them.

But now, after dinner had concluded, and Jim spent some time cleaning up, they were seated in Jim’s living room, at quite a distance from each other, Spock on the sofa, whereas Jim sat in a chair on the other side of the coffee table situated between them.

Spock knew he had not imagined the very explicit kiss Jim had presented him with upon his arrival, and yet, other than grasping Spock’s hand at dinner with the intention of advising Spock of his appreciation, Jim had made no other move toward acting on their mutual attraction.

And Spock was almost positive it was mutual.

On the other hand, he did recall that Nyota had once told him a big long story, it had been long to Spock anyway, that concluded with the anecdote that some simply just played hard to get. So was that the point of Jim’s now distance between them? Playing hard to get?

Spock had heard, over the past year, about Jim’s antics. Which had been part of the reason he had reacted with such trepidation when Jim had flirted so openly with him on New Year’s Eve. Spock had no desire to be anyone’s latest conquest. And yet, his attraction to Jim had been undeniable and he had acted on it.

Then…nothing. Spock had become quite convinced that he was a mere conquest to Jim after all. Spock felt ashamed at giving into his baser desires, and when Jim had changed the test in order to beat it, Spock had wondered if he had been simply some kind of pawn to Jim to pass the test.

But he had revealed nothing that Jim could have used, and so he had dismissed the idea.

During the private hearing as to what do with Kirk after his actions was discovered, Admiral Barrett had demanded that Jim be expelled from the Academy with a black mark upon his record. Spock had been frankly surprised at the undisguised rancor with which Barrett had presented. Some quick investigation on Spock’s part revealed that he had an ongoing rivalry with and dislike of George Kirk, Jim’s father.

Spock wasn’t about to allow Barrett to punish any cadet for whatever ills their parents were suspected of, and so Spock had put forward the idea of a week’s suspension with no mark.

Barrett had his supporters, though, so that had been shot down as being far too lenient, and in the end, the month’s suspension had been chosen as well as a notation on Jim’s record. Spock was aware that since then Admiral Kirk had that mark removed after successfully arguing Barrett was biased.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jim asked into the silence hadn’t realized had stretched on for so long. “You got quiet.”

“I apologize, Jim. I was thinking about…the Academy.” Which was not untrue.

Jim smiled a little. “I bet. You probably have a million things you have to do, so I won’t keep you.” He paused. “Unless you want more tea?”

Spock was even more confused and startled and a little more than merely disappointed, for it seemed clear now that Jim intended for him to leave. It was not that he had believed he was entitled to sexual activity, but he had hoped and believed that it was intended. Hiding his own embarrassment at reading everything so incorrectly, Spock rose from the sofa.

“No. Thank you. I will take my leave. I am certain you also have things to take care of.” Without waiting for Jim to act, Spock made his way over to the apartment door to depart.

Jim got up out of his seat and followed. He suddenly looked quite unsure. “Spock. It’s not that…I mean—”

“No, it is quite all right. I appreciate your thoughtfulness with reminding me of Vulcan cuisine. It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to return home and so it was most welcome.”

Jim bit him lip. “I really…it’s just, I don’t want you to—”

Spock cut him off again. “Thank you, Jim. I hope that you will have a pleasant rest of your night.” He opened the door and was surprised when Jim reached past him and closed it with the palm of his hand. “Jim—”

“You make it so difficult.”

“Difficult?”

Jim nodded. “To be a good guy here. To not totally and completely destroy any character I have. At all.”

“I do not understand.”

“I know you don’t. I don’t either, really. But I meant what I said before, Spock. I like you. I like you a lot. And I just want you to know that.”

He moved forward into Spock’s personal space and kissed Spock. It was a sweeter, softer kiss than the one he’d greeted Spock with, but it was no less welcome, and in fact, in some ways, it was more so. His thumb brushed the corner of Spock’s mouth as he kissed Spock, then he moved his lips to the corner of Spock’s mouth, kissing him there. And before Spock could seize him and pull him back into it, Jim moved back, stepping away, and opening the door.   

“Goodnight Spock. See you soon.”

Spock left, not because he wanted to, but because Jim wanted him to, and Spock was confused because yes, he was disappointed, but he was also…hopeful.


	7. Ever Been in Love?

Jim left the next Friday morning to go visit his folks for the weekend. The shuttle ride to Riverside seemed to take forever, but it seemed a happier occasion than when he’d last been there because he was in trouble.

Only his dad waited for him this time upon arrival with Jim quickly informed Winona was at home trying to prepare a big dinner.

“She didn’t have to do that,” Jim protested, as he walked along the side of his giant of a father.

“I told her that. Said you’d be okay if we ordered in a pizza. We might do that tomorrow night anyway and then go down to shoot pool at Morty’s.” His dad eyed him. “If you’re up for it. Guess you’re old enough to have a beer down there with me.”

“I am.”

They got in the car and George headed out of the parking lot.

“How are things at school now?”

“Oh. Fine. I’m back on track. Ahead even.”

“Good. Barrett giving you any trouble?”

Jim grimaced. “No, sir. Not really.”

They fell silent until George was pulling onto the property and then Jim put a hand on his arm to stop him from getting out. “Dad, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

He smiled at that. “Have you…ever been in love?”

George stared at him like he had two heads. “Have you forgotten I’m married to your mom?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “No. Besides Mom.”

“There is no one besides your mom.”

“ _Before her_. I don’t know. Have you ever been in love with someone you shouldn’t be with?”

“Is that what’s going on with you?”

“No!” Jim shook his head furiously.

“You sure? Cause your face is all red.”

“Forget it,” Jim muttered.

George sighed and pounded on the steering wheel. “Sure, son. Who hasn’t been? I mean, geez. When I was in the Academy, I had a crush on my teacher.”

_Fuck._

Jim looked away. “How did that go?”

His dad snorted. “It didn’t. For a number of reasons. She was married for one and she was the instructor for two. She really wasn’t even much older than me. Just like five years. But it was just, you know, stupid. And it was before Winnie came along.”

“Okay.”

“What about you? Who are you in love with? It’s not that crazy doctor friend of yours, is it?”

Jim laughed. “No. And Bones isn’t crazy. Okay, maybe a little. But not really. I mean the crazy part. I’m not in love with Bones.”

“Not a professor?”

“No. No. there’s no one, Dad. I was just…curious.”

“Curious. Right. Well, if you are hung up on a teacher, son. Forget it. Nothing good can come of that. Let’s go on in. I can smell dinner from here. Roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy,  and green beans. Pie for dessert.”

Jim perked up. “All my favorites.”

George ruffled his hair. “Spoiled is what you are.”

****

Jim sat by the window seat in his old childhood bedroom, lights out, and looked out at the rain that had started about an hour before.

He tapped out a message.

_Spock? Are you there by any chance?_

No immediate answer, so Jim grabbed up his hot cocoa and blew on the whipped cream.

_Jim?_

_Yeah. Listen. I’m sorry about leaving San Fran Cisco without telling you._

_There is no space between the N and the C._

Jim chuckled.

_I know. Fingers slipped. But I mean it._

_I did wonder where you went. But you do not owe me any explanation._

_No? I Aren’t we…sort of dating?_

There was a long pause before a response from Spock came through.

_Sort of?_

_I mean, there’s no official announcement or anything, but I thought…_

Jim bit his lip, stared at the storm. God, he hated this. This was not supposed to happen. Never mind the getting even with Spock thing. He didn’t intend to get emotionally attached to anyone. Not for a long long time.

_Spock?_

God, what was he doing? He should just let Spock say, no, we’re not dating, you inferior cadet, and then he’d be free of this crap and he could go back into being free of commitments or headaches or wants that just made his heart ache like it would never—

_Yes. We are dating._

_Fuck._

_Jim?_

_Sorry. I didn’t mean to type that. Just…glad you-you agree._

_Where have you gone, Jim?_

_My folks. Riverside. I don’t know, I guess they like me to visit once in a while._

_Understandable. Nothing is wrong then?_

_No. I mean, well, the visit was kind of a last minute thing. It’s stupid, but I kind of wanted to see them._

_That is not stupid._

Jim smiled as a flash of lightening lit up the sky.

_There’s a storm tonight._

_Should you be sheltering?_

_Nah, it’s not that bad. How about you, Spock? Do you ever go back to Vulcan to see your parents?_

_I did go and visit with my mother during the last summer break._

_What about your dad?_

_He was off planet. The visit was planned to coincide with his time away._

Jim frowned.

_So, she wouldn’t be lonely?_

_My father and I do not get along, I am afraid._

_Why?_

Spock’s pause was so long that Jim knew he must have overstepped. He was good at that, he guessed.

He was typing out his apology when the next note came through.

_He disapproved of my choice to join Starfleet. I was accepted into both Starfleet Academy and Vulcan Science Academy. When I chose Starfleet, my father believed that I made the decision emotionally and rejected logic and the Vulcan side of myself._

Jim deleted the apology.

_Wow._

_Indeed. I had made the decision that I would favor the Vulcan side and the logical teachings of Surak. My father saw this as a rejection of that and that my choice had been deceptive. I had even intended to undergo Kolinahr._

_What’s Kolinahr?_

_The purging of all emotions to live a life devoted completely to logic._

Jim stared at the screen. Typed…

_Ugh._

Probably not cool, he thought. And was about to erase it when a loud thunderclap made him just about jump out of skin. Hot cocoa splashed onto his lap.

“Nuts.”

And pretty much literally. Fuck, that burned. He set the cup down and hurried into the bathroom to wipe himself down. Fortunately his balls had no lasting damage.

When he got back to the screen, Jim saw that he had sent the ‘ugh’ and also noticed that Spock had not responded.

Jim sighed.

“You’re an idiot, Jim.”

Might as well say it for Bones since his friend wasn’t there.

_Hey, sorry, Spock. That wasn’t cool. I meant to erase it, but this thunder scared the crap out of me, and I burned my balls and well…you don’t need to hear all that, obviously. I just…I like you the way you are. And I’m glad that you didn’t purge yourself. Of emotions, I mean._

“Jim? Come down and play Monopoly with your father and me,” his mother called through the door.

_Hope you aren’t mad. I have to go. The folks want to play a game. I just want you to know that I…miss you. See you soon?_

“Okay, Mom be right there.”

It took a moment but then, finally, he received Spock’s reply.

_I am not offended. It was not the right decision for me. I hope that you have not sustained a serious injury. Enjoy your time spent with your parents as one never knows when those opportunities will disappear. Goodnight, Jim. Sleep well._

_Goodnight, Spock. Sweet dreams._

He typed a winking face.

_Of me._


	8. Reunion

“I sure hope you know what you’re doing.”

Spock arched a brow at his closest friend since coming to San Francisco, Nyota Uhura. In the beginning, she had done some mild flirting before expressing an interest in him romantically. He’d had to advise her that he preferred males and they had become very close friends instead.

“To what do you refer?”

”James Kirk.” She sighed and popped a corn chip in her mouth. They were seated a vegetarian Mexican restaurant only a few blocks from Starfleet Academy. “There are all kinds of rumors about him.”

“Rumors?”

“That he’s only interested in you because you programmed the Kobayashi Maru for one.”

Spock shook his head. “He was given a suspension for his execution of the test.”

“That he sleeps around for another.”

“I have certainly seen no evidence of that.”

Nyota smirked. “No? Didn’t he sleep with you the first time you met him?”

“Indeed, however, I slept with him the first time I met him as well.”

She laughed. “Touché. How about you being a professor and him a cadet?”

“That is somewhat troubling,” Spock conceded. “However, he is not directly my student nor is he likely to be. We must be…circumspect, but per my consultation with Captain Pike, becoming involved is not a direct violation of any regulations.”

“You asked Pike?” She seemed surprised by this.

“Yes. I did not wish there to be any doubt or issues for either Jim or myself.”

Her smiled widened. “Oh. Spock. You really like him.”

“How did you come to that conclusion, Nyota?” He cut a bite of his soy cheese enchiladas.

“Asking if it’s allowed? Come on, Spock. You haven’t ever done anything like that before with anyone. You’re a little smitten, huh?”

Spock inclined his head but decided not to verbally acknowledge it one way or another.

Nyota shook her head, a fond look on her face. “I just hope he’s not stupid enough to screw up. I doubt he knows how lucky he is. But you should also be careful of his parents.”

“Parents?”

“Yeah. Admiral George Kirk is known to be pretty intimidating. His mom isn’t any slouch either.”

Spock hesitated after chewing and swallowing the bite of his enchilada. “Barrett did try to get Jim expelled after the test.”

Her eyes widened. “Did he?”

“Apparently he and George Kirk were extreme rivals during their academy days. They both were interested in Jim’s mother, but George ultimately won her interest. According to sources, Barrett believed that George’s methods of insuring she preferred him were unethical and he has never forgiven George Kirk.”

“And he intended to take his dislike of Admiral Kirk out on his son.”

“Indeed. Since I suggested a suspension instead, I do not believe Barrett is very fond of me either. Pike has urged that Jim and I are very careful.”

“Still if it’s not against regulations…”

“Quite. Anyway, I do not believe either of us is eager to rush things.”

“Hmm. When does he return from Riverside?”

“This afternoon. In less than two hours. However, I am uncertain when I will see him.”

****

Spock had asked if Jim needed to be collected from the shuttle bay upon his return, but Jim had said no, Leonard McCoy would pick him up. He had sent a message though to Spock advising he had landed safely.

So Spock became busy working on coursework, suspecting he would not see Jim that day. But around seven that night, as Spock was brewing himself tea, there was a light knock on his apartment door.

He left the teapot on the counter and went to look through the peephole. He then opened the door wide.

“Jim.”

“Hey, Professor.” Jim gave him a wide, toothy smile. “Can I come in?”

Spock took hold of Jim’s arm and pulled him into the apartment himself, before closing and re-latching the door.

“So, I know I didn’t say I was coming over or anything, but I just…” Jim shook his head and stepped very close to Spock. Right up in his personal space. “Can I kiss you?”

“I wish that you would.”

Jim pushed Spock back against the nearest wall and covered Spock’s mouth with his own. For several moments Jim held him there, slanting his lips over Spock’s again and again until they were both panting and breathless. Jim knew how to kiss like no one Spock had ever known.

And somehow, Spock felt so much better about them. When Jim had left to Riverside, Spock had begun to doubt that his attraction to Jim had really been returned, as Jim had pulled back significantly. He did not hold back now, and Spock was gladdened.

Finally Spock needed to breathe so he drew back, sucking in a breath, just as Jim chased after his lips and kissed him again. Spock fisted Jim’s brown, sloppy T-shirt, pulling him closer still.

“Sorry,” Jim whispered, allowing Spock another moment to breathe.

“For what do you apologize?”

“Missed you.”

And then Jim was kissing him again, devouring him, nibbling on Spock’s lips, his tongue pushing past the barrier of the seam of Spock’s mouth. Spock moved his hands down Jim’s body, cupping that rounded ass and mashing their pelvises together.

Jim moaned into Spock’s mouth. “Missed me too?”

“A little,” Spock heard himself tease.

Jim’s laugh was a throaty, sexy chuckle that made Spock suddenly fully, achingly hard.

“Maybe we shouldn’t…”

“We should.”

It was Spock who moved one hand, reluctantly off Jim’s cheek, and between their bodies to unzip first Jim’s tight-fitting jeans and then his own professor’s trousers.

But Jim batted way his hand to replace it with his own. He put his hand into Spock’s pants to pull his erection out of his briefs, wrapping his fist around the length.

“ _Jim_.”

He was unable to say more for Jim was kissing him again, in that intense way he had of just consuming Spock, and all thoughts, but Jim and kissing and feeling and coming, flew out of his head. He maneuvered his own hand into Jim’s jeans, pulling out Jim’s hardness, and likewise stroking Jim. It took a moment, but soon he matched Jim’s frantic pace, their cocks sliding together as they kissed against the wall in a frenzy.

He pulled the jeans and briefs off of Jim’s ass, exposing those rounded cheeks and with the hand not working Jim’s erection, he slipped it between Jim’s buttocks, a finger pushing into Jim’s hole.

“Fuck,” Jim gasped into Spock’s mouth, squirming and thrusting against Spock. “Fuck,” he said again, this time the word swallowed by Spock, who sucked Jim’s tongue into his mouth.

It was all either of them needed. They bucked against each other, fists moving quickly across pulsing lengths, cum shooting out all over both of them as Spock’s finger moved up to the knuckle inside Jim.

Very slowly, he withdrew his finger as Jim clutched him, kissing him still but slowly, languidly.

They slid to the floor where they were, together, pants undone, both a gooey mess.

But as Spock looked at Jim, eyes closed, Jim smiled softly, beautifully. “Are you hungry?”

Jim laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Spock nodded. “When I can move, I will get you something.”


	9. Good for the Soul

Jim woke in the middle of the night, staring at the sleeping Vulcan beside him.

Once he’d arrived in the afternoon, after their ‘mutual sexual gratification’ as Spock had put it, they’d had something to eat, cuddled on the couch while watching some science programs, chosen by Spock naturally, and then headed to bed, to sleep. Jim had been up for more, but didn’t want to push Spock.

And now as he stared at Spock, eyes closed, dark lashes merely a smudge against his cheeks, Jim knew he was going to have to come completely clean. Tell Spock everything, if they were really going to move forward with this. With them. But he also wanted Spock. Wanted to make love with him before his confession, in case Spock said ‘hit the road’. Which he probably would.

Maybe it would be unfair to love Spock again, to use their bodies, to feel everything deep to his soul, but Jim wanted to, whether he should or not.

As though Spock could read Jim’s mind even in sleep, even when they weren’t even touching, Spock’s eyes opened suddenly. There was no pause, no hesitation of sleep, coming awake, but rather Spock was instantly completely alert as he looked into Jim’s eyes.

“Did I wake you?” Jim asked.

“Not by any actions on your part,” Spock replied. “But you do have a rather loud mind.”

“But…”

“Our legs are touching,” Spock explained.

Jim looked down and smiled. “Yeah, I guess they are. Didn’t even realize. If you know what I was thinking, are you…game?”

“Game?”

His smile widened. “Willing. Do you want to?”

Spock didn’t respond at first and Jim started to think he was putting too much pressure on Spock. He _had_ wanted to go slow after all. Though at the moment Jim couldn’t remember whether it was him or Spock who’d wanted to go slow.

But then Jim found himself flung onto his back with Spock hovering over him, kissing him wildly, as though he’d only been waiting for Jim to ask, to say it was okay, to beg, which Jim would totally do, if that was what was required.

They hadn’t gone to bed wearing a whole lot of clothing and Jim was grateful for that. It only took mere moments to shed Jim’s shorts and Spock’s pajama bottoms. Their hard cocks bumped against each other drawing a moaning gasp out of Jim.

Jim slid his hands down Spock’s back, pulling him closer. “ _Please_.”

He pushed his tongue past Spock’s lips, bashing his against Spock’s, swirling them together. Jim moved one hand up Spock’s back, across his spine, and to his head, threading his fingers through the silky strands of Spock’s dark hair.

Then Spock broke their kiss just long enough to stare into Jim’s eyes, and God, Spock knew had to slay him with those eyes, those looks, those heady breaths.

Spock seized both of Jim’s arms now and raised them above Jim’s head, holding them there, but without force, without threat. With the hand not holding Jim’s together above his head, Spock pushed Jim’s legs up, spreading him.

He felt Spock’s long fingers press into his hole, pushing, prodding. He arched up against Spock, desperate for more, for everything. And when Spock withdrew his fingers to push his cock into Jim, joining their bodies, Jim mewled and bucked, feverishly kissing him.

Spock released his hands, moving his own down to close around Jim’s erection, stroking him into a frenzy.

When Spock came, filling Jim up, it triggered Jim’s own release, and he screamed himself hoarse as he clung to his lover.

A long time later, with Spock still lying on him, Jim moved so that he could stroke the bangs at Spock’s forehead.

“Hey. Listen. Can I tell you something?”

Anxiety appeared quite briefly in Spock’s gaze, disappearing in a flash. He nodded and very slowly moved off Jim to lie beside him. Jim missed Spock’s weight, but supposed it was better to have this conversation this way.

Jim sucked in a breath and then blew it out quickly. He faced Spock, even though he didn’t really want to look at Spock while confessing this. But he was no coward.

“You’re amazing.” He shook his head. “You are. And I’m stalling.”

“You wished to sleep with me on New Year’s Eve because you were aware I programmed the Kobayashi Maru and hoped by establishing some kind of intimate connection with me, it would help you to pass.”

Jim frowned. “No. No. I mean, okay, sure, the thought _had_ occurred to me at one time, but ultimately I slept with you that night because you’re gorgeous and I wanted you. At that time I never thought about what it would mean for either of us being involved, and to be honest, I didn’t expect or even want long term involvement. I just wanted a one-night stand with you.”

“I see.”

“But then, after I took the test and passed…”

“Technically because you cheated, you failed.”

His jaw tightened briefly. He relaxed it and himself with effort. “After I reprogrammed the test and was suspended for a month and was to have that blight on my record, I was beyond pissed.”

“You had to have known there would be consequences, Jim.”

“I guess. But not that. Not really. It was a stupid test, anyway.”

“It was designed to learn how you would, as a captain, face peril and death.”

“I know what it was designed for, Spock. And you can bet your cute Vulcan ass I’d reprogram it again if I had to do it all over. And I’d cheat and fight my way out of any peril for the survival of my ship and crew in a real situation.” Jim looked away for a second and then back at Spock. “But that’s not really got anything to do with this. I just…I really hated you when I got suspended.”

Spock’s lashes flickered slightly. “I see.”

“I mean irrationally hated you. I wanted my revenge against you because I was certain you were to blame for everything. I thought because we slept together you wanted to make an example of me.”

“Jim…”

“Please. Let me get all of this out and then if you want to show me the door, well I don’t blame you. So I thought I’d get revenge on you. I’d seduce you into continuing to sleep with me, by flirting and making you Vulcan food and pretending I wanted something more with you—” Jim noticed Spock’s wince there and hated himself for a second. “And then I’d make sure someone anonymously reported you for sleeping with a cadet so your record would have a mark, maybe you’d even get fired from being an instructor.”

Spock didn’t say anything then, didn’t try to interrupt. Just stared at Jim in that soulful way he had that both stirred Jim and made him want to run.

“It was stupid and immature and completely ignored my own part in being suspended. I was the one who reprogrammed the test and as you said, right or wrong, the test stupid or badly flawed, I should have known there’d be consequences, and us having that one-night before the test had nothing to do with any of that, and of course you wouldn’t be so unethical as to act with favoritism…”

“Jim,” Spock said softly. “Barrett wanted to expel you.”

“He…did?”

“I pushed for a suspension instead. As did Captain Pike. We both spoke on your behalf. The committee agreed to the suspension, but then Barrett demanded the length and the mark on your record.”

“I knew he was responsible for the mark,” Jim said, softly.

“It would have been quite foolish to expel a cadet of your caliber. But the committee insisted there had to be some punishment.”

“I’m sorry. I realized later that all of my ideas about you were wrong and that I…I really like you and wanted to…I’ve never wanted to have a relationship with anyone, until you. And believe me if I’ve screwed this up by my own stupid actions, I know I’ll regret it for my whole life.”

“First of all, Jim, I have already checked about the appropriateness of a relationship between us.”

“You…have?”

“Not prior to our one-night stand, of course. That was out of character for me. But the moment I came to believe we might become involved in a lengthier association, I queried Captain Pike.”

“Spock, I…”

“I was told that it was not strictly against any regulation since you were not my direct student nor likely to be in my classes, but that we must be circumspect. It was only after that, they I agreed to the dinner and all else between us. At the time, I had believed your interest was genuine.”

And damn that made Jim’s heart pound and his stomach twist and all sorts of other biological reactions that made him feel like the complete and utter dick he was.

“It was. I mean…” He swallowed heavily, feeling his face heat with shame. “It became that way, I mean. _It is_. Spock, I’m crazy about you.”

Spock inclined his head. “Under the circumstances you will forgive me if I have some doubts.”

“I…”

But Spock was getting out of bed and reaching for his clothing. “At the moment, I require meditation. I regret having to ask you this, but at present, can you depart?”

“Spock.”

“I need some time, Jim. I would appreciate it.”

And what could he say? Confession was supposed to be good for the soul, but right now it just sucked.

But he nodded, got up, went to the bathroom, put on his clothes and left. Wondering if he’d see Spock again. And figuring he probably wouldn’t and would deserve it.     

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(Fanart) First Footing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20653088) by [Mylochka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylochka/pseuds/Mylochka)




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